I am sick of masturbating. I hate it. I am sick of my dick being sore all the time. I jack off 2 or three times a day, sometimes as much as 5 times a day. Its because I am an addict. I don't get much pleasure from it. I can't explain why i do it so much other than i am an addict and its what i do. The reason I don't stop is because i don't want to submit/i don't know how to submit, and because i don't want to/ don't know how i jack off more... kind of like a screw you. It sucks. I am constantly in a cloud of despair. I have moments of happiness, but when ever I am alone i am constantly sad and depressed, absorbed with my sorry state and my inability to escape.
I want freedom. a tangible freedom. Freedom where I never masturbate again. How can it be freedom if i still masturbate, if I still lust? That doesn't sound like freedom. So maybe my understanding is off, but how can i change my understanding. I want something tangible. I don't even care if it takes a lot a work. I want to be able to do something and be fixed, be free. People tell me to give it up to god, how do you do that? I can't take something out of me and tie it to a balloon and hand it to God. The only tangible thing i can think of to stop masturbating is to cut off my penis, and I would be ok with that.
How do you change your heart?
How do you surrender?
How do you submit?
Is it repentance if you go back to it?
I have a friend I was talking to last night. he has completely given up his relationship with God so he can continue to sin. I don't want to be that. it bike my heart t see where he is and it scared me. How close am I to that point. I don't ever want to be there. I don't ever want to lose hope for my relationship with God.
Comments (5)
do you have a job with a regular schedule? if you don't want all of the free time at home to masturbate, that could help a lot. it doesn't mean that you'll never masturbate again, but i'm more likely to do it when i have a lot of time on my hands.
Not proud to say I've been exactly there. Then I hit some kind of change where I'm free for a while before slipping again. The cycle does suck. I'm hoping I'm out of it again for a while. I'm crazy to think that I can make it an entire month. I'm in a face to face recovery-type group right now where that's my personal objective (whether it's for that, alcohol, depression.. it's as personal for anyone there). I was ready to walk away from that yesterday for similar "i give up, screw you" reasons but went anyway and it was worth it. I don't even know if I'll have a solid week yet but one thing I am convinced of is that the struggle is worth it. God isn't the one giving up, he is the only one who is completely faithful. Maybe he uses this to make us aware of our need for him. I'm beyond beating myself up over this, maybe that's a bad thing. But I don't get much pleasure from it either. I don't know what my point is. I find myself asking similar "how" questions. But it at least seems possible with God's help. Mutual prayers would be welcome.
Addictive, compulsive masturbation is a symptom of a deeper problem; it is not the main problem in itself. I don't know of any man who has ever stopped masturbating compulsively without first or simultaneously addressing bigger issues in his life. Ultimately, the biggest issue in all of our lives is the same: submitting to the Lordship of Jesus Christ daily. How that plays out in each individual person's life might be different from one case to the next, but the root issue is the same. I understand, it is extremely frustrating to hear "just give it to God" all the time without any idea of what that means or how to do that. If I had to give any advice to you on this, it would be to not worry about masturbation. You have bigger fish to fry.
In my own life, I used to watch porn almost every day, I jacked off at least once a day, all the usual stuff. But I loved to read, too. I read the Bible and I bought Christian books about sex and sexual purity and devoured them. I also loved to write, so I wrote in my journal a lot. I wrote my prayers, my pains, my temptations, my fantasies, my anger, all of my feelings, and whatever I heard God saying to me. God put something in me to enjoy these things, so I thought if I used what God gave me, I would feel more alive than I did when I watched porn. Yes, I continued to jack off, but I was working through my feelings in my journal and learning from teachers and others whose books I read. I was making progress. I was lonely, so I sought friends and tried not to numb my feelings with porn. Essentially, I became more of the man God designed me to be -- talented, creative, well-read, friendly, out-going, and a writer -- and I realized how porn fit less and less into my life. And as I was liberated from porn over a period of almost a decade, I jacked off less and less, too. I was even going 5 or 6 weeks at a time without it before I learned that it wasn't a sin. I still do it, but it's not an addiction by any means. I'm free now. It took 10 years of work, trust, sacrifice, and growing closer to God and being molded more into his image, but I'm free now. You can be, too, but it's not going to happen with the flick of a switch.
The start of my 2012 was ridden with masturbation. I just did it because I felt I had nothing better to turn to. Basically. The more I got involved with my church and students and writing, along with some clearer lines in my head/heart, the less I masturbated or even wanted to.
There's 2 sides to this thing, as I see it: the head issue and the heart issue. You definitely have to retrain your brain to find pleasure and fulfillment in other ways. Commit a day without it. Then 2. Then a week. Commit even when it hurts. And while you're committing, spend some time with the Lord and ask if there's something far better you need to be pursuing. For me it was involvement with my church and life group. For you, it could be something else entirely.
Prayers. You can overcome. There is hope for us all.
I've discovered that it's much less of a heart issue than we make it out to be :)
If you're out of the house doing things, then you will automatically have less opportunities to masturbate. It's very simple. In fact, you can kill 2 birds with one stone and instead of sitting around the house being lonely, you can hang with old friends or even meet new ones.
Coffee shops are great because you can read, write, surf the web safely, and meet people in their relaxed environment. Take regular walks in the park, a bike ride, volunteer for local events, get more involved with church. Eventually you will be so active, you won't need the thrill of masturbation because you're already full of life, purpose, and people :)